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THE 'PAIN' IS NEARLY OVER!

HUTT SOUTH 2026:
CHOOSE YOUR DAMAGE!


Chris Bishop — National: Cabinet heavyweight, local boy, infrastructure obsessive. Talks like a man who’s personally laying the asphalt. Occasionally forgets the microphone is still on.
Ginny Andersen — Labour: experienced, energetic and politically indestructible. Also blessed with a mouth that occasionally reaches the finish line before the facts do.
Courtney White — Greens: local, articulate, earnest and determined to save people, animals, rivers and possibly your compost bin. Alarmingly short on scandal so far.
Alistair Boyce — NZ First: businessman, publican and now politician — meaning he has spent decades preparing to listen to people confidently talk rubbish after several drinks.
Benjamin Wylie-van Eerd — Opportunity: physicist, science advocate and evidence enthusiast. A brave choice in politics, where evidence is often treated like an optional garnish.
And ACT?
ACT has candidates all over New Zealand, but Hutt South currently appears to have been placed in the “somebody else can do it” folder. Current candidate listings still show no ACT entrant.
Five candidates. Six parties.
ACT’s candidate is apparently The Invisible Man.

CANCER DOESN’T HAVE A PAUSE BUTTON

New Zealand is getting better at detecting cervical cancer risk, but too many people are still waiting too long for the next step.

Only about 67% of those needing colposcopy are seen within the 30-working-day target, while around 77% needing treatment for high-grade precancerous lesions receive it within 40 working days.
That leaves too many people in limbo after screening has already identified a potential problem.

Workforce shortages and capacity constraints are real, but they cannot become an excuse for delay.
The solution should be urgent and practical: ring-fenced funding, more trained colposcopy staff, extra clinic capacity, extended hours where needed, and a fast-track pathway for anyone with a high-risk result.

If the public system cannot provide that capacity quickly enough, use contracted private providers until it can.
Screening only works when diagnosis and treatment follow promptly.

Cancer doesn’t have a pause button. Neither should the health system.

GODZILLA EL NIÑO — FOR DUMMIES

The Media says a “Godzilla” El Niño is coming.

Translation:
It’s going to be windy.  Some places will be dry.  Some places will be wet.  Some places will be hot.
Some places will suddenly wonder why they packed away the puffer jacket.

In other words: New Zealand spring. With extra attitude.
The north and east are expected to be warmer and drier. The west and south may get wetter and stormier. Everywhere gets more wind, bigger temperature swings and the usual weather forecasters saying, “This is completely consistent with what we expected.”
So where’s the smart money for summer?

Eastbourne.
Sheltered, sunny, dry-ish, harbour out front, hills behind, Wellington close enough to visit but far enough away to pretend it doesn’t exist.
While Auckland dries out, the West Coast floats away and Canterbury gets sandblasted sideways, Eastbourne could be sitting there smugly with a coffee, a sea breeze and absolutely no intention of apologizing.

Godzilla El Niño?   Fine.
Send him round the Bays.

NEW ZEALAND’S UNELECTED OPPOSITION?


When reporting politics starts looking remarkably like participating in it

New Zealand’s mainstream media do not need to publish false stories to influence an election.

They only need to decide:

which stories matter, which quote becomes the headline, which controversy gets repeated for days, which policy gets presented on its own terms, and which politician is introduced through criticism before the policy has even been explained.

That is where media bias, if it exists, becomes much harder to see — and much more effective.

Over the past 60 days, TVNZ/1News, RNZ and Stuff have subjected the Government to sustained scrutiny. Much of it is completely legitimate. Governments govern, spend money, run departments and make mistakes. Opposition parties have fewer opportunities to cock things up because they are not actually running anything.

But there is a noticeable editorial pattern worth examining. Government stories are frequently framed through:

crisis, conflict, criticism, coalition disagreement, failure and controversy. Opposition stories, particularly Labour policy announcements, are often introduced more simply:

Labour promises. Labour proposes. Labour pledges.  That difference matters.

Take National’s claim about “nine new taxes”. 1News gave it detailed forensic treatment, examining whether the figure accurately represented Labour’s policies.

Good journalism.

But the real question is whether Labour’s campaign claims are tested with the same frequency, prominence and enthusiasm.

That is the test of balance.

THE HEADLINE IS THE WEAPON

Most people do not read the full political story.  They read the headline.

A headline can therefore remain factually defensible while heavily influencing how the story is interpreted.

Compare:  Government announces housing reform

with:  Developer dismisses Government housing reform as “a myth”

Same subject. Completely different message. Nobody has lied.  But somebody has decided what the reader should notice first.

THEN THERE IS THE VOX POP

Television’s favourite substitute for research.  A reporter interviews an unknown number of people, then broadcasts three or four.

We do not know:

how many were interviewed, what the discarded answers were, how people were selected, or whether the clips shown remotely reflected the wider group.

Ask people outside Victoria University, and you may discover one New Zealand.  Ask them at Fieldays, and you may discover another.

Yet both can be presented as though “ordinary New Zealanders” have spoken.

Political vox pops are not polling.  They are edited television.

CLICKBAIT DOESN’T HELP

Stuff has another incentive: engagement.  Political conflict generates clicks.  A quiet policy success rarely does.

So minor disputes can become major stories simply because outrage, division and leadership drama perform well online.

This does not automatically mean ideological bias.

Sometimes what looks like partisan journalism may actually be a mixture of:

newsroom culture, commercial pressure, incumbency scrutiny and journalists following the same political narrative.

The result, however, can look remarkably similar.  NOT A SECRET CONSPIRACY

There is no evidence that TVNZ, RNZ and Stuff are coordinating with Labour.

And Labour certainly receives negative coverage too.  That is why simplistic claims that the media are “99% pro-Labour” are easily rebutted.

The stronger question is whether there is systematic framing asymmetry.  Who gets fact-checked most?

Whose critics make the headline?  Which controversies are repeatedly amplified?  Which side’s policy announcements are allowed to speak for themselves?

Who gets the final word?  Those things are measurable.

THE REAL POWER OF THE MEDIA

Bias does not require lying.  It can be created through:  Selection - placement - repetition - language - sources - headlines - omission

One hostile headline proves nothing.  A hundred might.

New Zealand’s media rightly demand transparency and accountability from politicians.

During an election campaign, voters are entitled to demand the same from the people deciding what becomes the news.

Because increasingly elections are not only fought through political advertising.

They are fought through the stories somebody else decides you should see.


MORE HUMBUGGERY.......!

SHRINKFLATION: NOW WITH 20% LESS PRODUCT.


Good news, New Zealand: your groceries aren’t getting more expensive.

They’re just quietly disappearing.

The juice bottle has lost half a litre, the toilet roll has shed 40 sheets, the wraps have gone on a diet, and somewhere in a chocolate factory another few millimetres have vanished from your afternoon happiness.

This is **shrinkflation** — charging you the same price for less stuff while hoping you’re too busy to notice.

Manufacturers say costs have risen. Fair enough. But why not simply put a sticker on the packet:

**“SORRY. THERE’S LESS IN HERE NOW.”**

At least be honest before you shrink our sausage.

And whenever New Zealand media needs an expert on supermarkets, marketing, pricing, packaging or consumer behaviour, they call **Professor Bodo Lang**.

Again.

We like Bodo. He clearly knows his stuff.

But is he the **only marketing academic in New Zealand with a working telephone?**

Somewhere another professor is sitting beside a silent phone thinking:

“Today could be my day.”

It isn’t.

“Hello, Bodo? Stuff here. A yoghurt tub has lost 37 grams.”

Bodo sighs and once again explains capitalism to the nation.

MEGA’s solution is simple:

If a product shrinks but the price doesn’t, supermarkets should label it:

**WARNING: THIS PRODUCT HAS RECENTLY BECOME SMALLER.**

Because if companies are entitled to shrink the product, consumers are entitled to notice.

Preferably before the chocolate bar reaches the dimensions of a postage stamp.

THE GREAT SUPERMARKET SHUFFLE


New Zealand has spent years trying to solve supermarket competition with the economic equivalent of moving the baked beans from aisle five to aisle six.

National wants structural separation. Labour wants stronger wholesale separation. The Greens have proposed creating a new competitor through divestment. The experts in The Post broadly agree on one thing: none of the options guarantees the thing shoppers actually need — serious competition. supermarket

And serious competition is still missing. Woolworths and the two Foodstuffs groups retain more than 80% of the national grocery market, while the Commerce Commission says wholesale competition remains weak on price, range and access.

So here is the MEGA solution:

STOP BUILDING ANOTHER SUPERMARKET. BUILD THE ROAD TO TEN OF THEM.

Create an independent national grocery wholesale platform.

Not a government supermarket staffed by 4,000 civil servants deciding whether Wattie’s spaghetti deserves shelf 3B.

A commercially run, tightly regulated wholesale system that gives any qualified retailer access to groceries at transparent, competitive prices.

Independent supermarkets, iwi businesses, ethnic grocers, regional chains and future overseas entrants could all buy through it.

Add shared distribution centres.

Publish wholesale pricing.

Make supplier rebates transparent.

Prevent the big operators using their enormous buying power to obtain deals unavailable to competitors — an issue the Commerce Commission itself says is restricting competition.

And then add one wonderfully simple rule:

If you dominate retail, you don't get to control the drawbridge your competitors must cross to obtain stock.

Because breaking two giants into three giants may simply leave us with three giants sitting around having a pleasant cup of tea.

The objective isn't another supermarket logo.

It's making it possible for new competitors to grow without first needing several billion dollars, 200 stores and the personal blessing of the grocery gods.

After years of reports, inquiries, regulations and political announcements, perhaps it's time to try something genuinely radical.

Competition.


Huh?

LETTUCE PRAY


For years we were told salad was the sensible choice.

Skip the chips. Avoid the pie. Be good. Eat your greens.

Excellent. It turns out the greens may be plotting your funeral.

A microbiologist has warned that raw salad can carry nasties such as E. coli, Salmonella and Listeria because, unlike chicken, nobody cooks the lettuce until it stops being dangerous.

So the steak gets heat-treated, interrogated and rested.

The lettuce gets rinsed, spun around in a plastic bag and sent straight to your table wearing the moral authority of a yoga instructor.

Bagged salad is apparently especially suspicious: damp, chopped and sealed in plastic — basically a bacterial Airbnb with spinach.

And “pre-washed” does not mean “safe”. It means somebody else waved water at it before charging you $6.99.

The great irony is magnificent.

We spent decades being warned that burgers would kill us.

Now apparently the side salad has joined in.

MEGA advice?

Wash your lettuce.

Inspect your lettuce.

Distrust your lettuce.

And if it starts looking slimy, throw it out before it gets ideas.

WELLINGTON’S LONG-HAUL DREAM: PLEASE HOLD


Wellington Airport has extended the usable runway and is still talking about long-haul flights.
Excellent.
There’s just one small issue.
No airline particularly wants to fly them.
Apparently the Middle East conflict, high fuel prices and general aviation nervousness have put the great Wellington long-haul dream “on ice”.
Which is unfortunate, because Wellington is already on ice.
The city desperately needs more visitors, more spending, more major events, more business activity and more reasons for people to stay longer than one-and-a-half nights.
The apparent solution?
Wait until 2032 or 2033 and see if somebody eventually flies in.
Brilliant.
By then the airport may have a lovely long runway, a beautifully renovated terminal and several elderly Wellingtonians standing at the arrivals gate holding signs saying:
“WELCOME, FIRST TOURIST SINCE 2026.”
The absurdity is obvious.
Wellington needs tourism growth to justify better air links.
Better air links would help tourism grow.
So both sides are effectively waiting for the other one to happen first.
It’s economic chicken.
Except nobody has actually flown the chicken in.
The city should stop treating long-haul aviation as something that might magically arrive one day like a migratory bird.
Create the events.
Build the visitor demand.
Package Wellington as an actual destination.
Then go to the airlines with numbers, not hope.
Because right now Wellington’s international aviation strategy appears to be:
Build runway.
Cross fingers.
Check again in six years.


YOU CAN’T BUBBLE-WRAP WELLINGTON

A tragic drowning deserves sympathy, scrutiny and sensible action.


But it does not mean we should turn Wellington’s waterfront into a giant playpen.

You cannot fence every edge, corner, stair, wharf, puddle and mildly suspicious kerb because somebody, somewhere, may get drunk, get lost or make a catastrophically stupid decision.

That way lies a city designed by lawyers and padded by pool noodles.

Wellington’s waterfront works because it is open. People walk it, sit on it, fish from it, eat beside it and occasionally stare dramatically into the harbour wondering where their rates went.

The sensible answer is targeted safety.

On major concert and event nights, when thousands of people are pouring out of venues and some have drunk enough to believe the harbour is an Uber lane, make the event promoter and council install temporary fencing, lighting and extra security around the obvious danger areas.

Then take it down afterwards.

Simple.

Safe when the risk is highest.

Open when it isn’t.

Because there will always be drunks, idiots, thrill-seekers, distracted people and members of the public temporarily operating without adult supervision.

We cannot redesign an entire city around the least sensible person in it.

Otherwise Wellington’s next major infrastructure project will be:

A fence around Wellington.

NZ SPORT: TOO MANY CHIEFS, NOT ENOUGH OXYGEN

New Zealand rugby and cricket have a governance problem that would be funny if it wasn’t costing so much.

Both sports are trying to operate as modern professional businesses while still being chained to old regional structures designed for a world of committee rooms, tea urns and men called “Trevor” protecting the interests of Counties Manukau.

The basic problem is exquisite:

The people who need to give up power are the people who vote on whether they should give up power.

What could possibly go wrong?

In rugby, the situation is now getting genuinely serious. NZ Rugby is under pressure to cut around $20 million a year, while major changes to Super Rugby, provincial rugby and the whole domestic structure are being discussed.

Cricket has the same underlying disease: too much historic member control, not enough freedom to run the national game as one coherent business.

THE MEGA SOLUTION

Stop pretending regional representation is the same thing as good governance.

Create one genuinely independent national board for each code, chosen for commercial, sporting, broadcast, legal and financial expertise.

Regional unions and associations still get a voice.

They do not get a veto.

Then apply one brutal rule:

If a structure exists only because nobody has the courage to kill it, kill it.

For rugby, that means asking whether New Zealand really needs multiple overlapping professional competitions, duplicated administration and provincial empires all competing for the same shrinking pile of money.

For cricket, it means finally deciding whether NZC is a national professional sport or a federation of local committees wearing one blazer.

The goal should be simple:

Fewer boards.

Fewer layers.

Fewer sacred cows.

More money actually reaching players, coaches and the game.

New Zealand sport does not need another governance review.

It needs a chainsaw.



BANKING REFORM: PLEASE HOLD, YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US


New Zealand has spent years discussing how to make banking more competitive.

The result?

More discussions.

There have been inquiries, reports, briefings, consultations and enough paperwork to build a small branch out of papier-mâché. Parliament was still receiving briefings on the response to the banking competition inquiry in September 2026. New Zealand Parliament

Meanwhile, according to an opinion piece, customers continue paying chunky mortgage and credit-card rates while the big banks continue making very healthy profits.

So naturally, the solution is another review.

At this rate, banking reform will arrive shortly after affordable housing, Wellington’s perfect water network and the second coming.

MEGA has a simpler idea:

If four enormous banks dominate the market, perhaps create conditions where competitors can actually compete.

Radical, we know.

Instead we seem to have developed a uniquely New Zealand economic policy:

Investigate the problem until everyone involved retires.

And remember: your call is very important to us.

Please remain on hold for another parliamentary term.

WELLINGTON COUNCIL: NOW WITH $250,000 OF WEBSITE


Wellington City Council has apparently discovered a revolutionary new technology.

It’s called a website.

Unfortunately, this one seems to have cost ratepayers about $250,000, after a rushed procurement process reportedly ended with only two potential suppliers.

Former chief executive Matt Prosser apologised, saying it cost too much and should not happen again.

Which in Wellington is less an apology than a recurring calendar event.

Because this joins a fairly distinguished local collection of cost blowouts, procurement failures and civic projects that somehow develop the financial appetite of a small war.

So $250,000 for a library website almost feels economical.

At least it didn’t leak sewage.

The bigger issue is familiar: something goes wrong, huge sums acquire wings, somebody lower down the food chain gets placed beneath the falling piano, and management announces that Lessons Have Been Learned.

Wellington ratepayers have learned one thing:

Whenever Council says “Lessons Have Been Learned”, hide your wallet.

MEGA suggests one modest reform.

Before spending a quarter of a million dollars on a website, ask a teenager.

If he says, “Mate, I can do that by Sunday,” perhaps schedule another meeting.

And if it still reaches $250,000, the website should at least:

Book a library book.

Pay your rates.

Repair a water main.

And explain where the other $249,000 went.

BUILD BACK BETTER? NAH — JUST PUT IT BACK IN THE WATER


New Zealand has discovered a brilliant new climate strategy:

Wait for the house to flood. Rebuild it. Then wait for the next flood.

Insurance is getting more expensive because storms, floods and claims are getting worse. Fair enough.

But here’s the punchline: when a damaged house is repaired, insurers generally only have to restore what the policy requires — not necessarily raise it, redesign it, improve drainage or make it materially harder to destroy next time. flooding insure

So the national system can become:

Flood.

Claim.

Repair.

Flood again.

Claim again.

Everyone convenes a working group.

Meanwhile premiums rise because insurers have noticed an inconvenient pattern:

water keeps returning to low places.

Homeowners want affordable insurance. Insurers want lower risk. Councils want resilient communities. Government wants all of the above without anyone receiving an invoice.

Perfect.

MEGA suggests one radical idea:

If a house gets smashed by the same foreseeable hazard twice, perhaps stop rebuilding it exactly the same way in exactly the same place.

Because “build back better” should mean more than replacing the carpet with a slightly more optimistic carpet.

Otherwise the future of New Zealand housing is simple:

waterfront living for everyone — whether they ordered it or not.

MOA POINT: RATEPAYERS v RATEPAYERS


The Moa Point sewage disaster has now reached peak Wellington absurdity: the ratepayer is both the prosecutor and the defendant.

Greater Wellington is prosecuting Wellington City Council and Tiaki Wai over the wastewater failure. Fair enough — environmental law still has to mean something.

But then comes the small financial detail.

The public funds Greater Wellington.

The public funds Wellington City Council.

The public funds the water organisation.

And the public will now help fund the lawyers arguing over which publicly funded body should pay which other publicly funded body.

It is less Law & Order and more Wallet & Order.

Then there is Veolia, the French multinational involved in operating the plant.

As things stand, the public bodies are the ones in the legal firing line. Veolia is not.

That does not automatically mean Veolia is legally responsible, but it does raise a fairly obvious ratepayer question:

If a private operator is part of the operation when the plant fails, why does the public seem to be suing itself?

So far, Moa Point has delivered sewage, beach closures, repairs, reviews, consultants, criminal charges, and what will no doubt be a very healthy breeding season for lawyers.

The wastewater may have stopped flowing.

The money certainly hasn’t.

PETONE WHARF: STOP FIXING IT LIKE A WHARF

Petone Wharf has survived storms, earthquakes, bureaucrats and, most impressively, several rounds of local-government decision-making.
Council has committed to a partial restoration within a capped $12 million budget, with work now expected to begin in late 2026. The plan is to save much of the structure, remove the worst section and reopen what can be made safe.
Fine.
But MEGA asks a different question:
Why spend millions restoring a wharf so people can walk to the end, look at the harbour, say “nice”, and walk back?
That is not a destination.  That is cardio.
THE MEGA PLAN
Council spends no more than the existing $12 million commitment.
Then bring in private investors and operators to turn the rebuilt wharf into something people actually travel to see.
Think amusement pier, not timber walkway.
Small restaurants.  Fish and chips.  A proper bar.  Ice cream. Coffee.  Pop-up food stalls.
Fishing platforms. Live music. Mini attractions. A tiny maritime museum. Night lighting.
Seasonal markets.
Maybe a modest Ferris wheel if somebody sufficiently unhinged can make the engineering work.
In short:
Give people a reason to stay longer than the seagulls.
The public side protects the heritage structure and basic access.
The private side pays for the fun stuff, operates the businesses and takes the commercial risk.
Council does not become New Zealand’s newest churro vendor.
Everyone wins.
Petone gets a genuine waterfront attraction.
Businesses get customers.
Visitors get something memorable.
And ratepayers avoid discovering that the final cost of a wooden walkway has somehow become equivalent to launching a small moon mission.
Petone Wharf should not merely be saved.
It should be useful, commercial, ridiculous, lively and fun.
Because if we are going to spend millions putting it back into the harbour, the least it can do is sell us a beer at the end.

LOWRY BAY GETS THE ROLLS-ROYCE. DAYS BAY GETS THE POTHOLES.

Tupua Horo Nuku is finished. Hutt City Council proudly describes a 4.4km seawall and shared path running through the Eastern Bays, with the final Lowry Bay section completed in April. The whole thing cost $81.87 million.
And in Lowry Bay, it certainly looks the part.
Fresh road surfaces. New markings. Beautiful shared pathway. Beach access ramps. Landscaping. Replanting. Lighting. Seawalls. Enough civic polish to make you wonder whether the Queen is expected to cycle through after lunch. Lowry Bay, the home of ‘Queen’ Jo Millar the HCC CEO.
Then you reach Days Bay.
Welcome to the budget version.
Days Bay was always the hole in the project: the original design documentation explicitly described it as separating the two sections of the shared path. The completed council project still describes the route as running between Point Howard and Windy Point — not continuously through Days Bay.
So after spending nearly $82 million creating a safer coastal walking and cycling route, we arrive at one of the busiest visitor destinations in the Bays and apparently celebrate by saying:
“Good luck from here.”
No coherent continuous shared path. Fragmented footpaths. Cyclists mixing back into traffic. Awkward crossings. Parking already under pressure. Poor lighting in places. And summer approaching with cars, buses, cyclists, pedestrians, ferry passengers, café customers and confused tourists all being poured into the same narrow strip of road.
Then there is Ferry Road.
Residents have been complaining about cracking, patches, potholes, surface movement, drainage, slips, unsafe edges and the absence of proper pedestrian protection. There have also been concerns about water and possible wastewater leakage beneath or around the road — concerns serious enough to warrant proper investigation rather than another ceremonial bucket of asphalt.
Drive along it and parts of the surface look less like a road-maintenance programme and more like an archaeological exhibition of every repair carried out since the invention of bitumen.
Which raises a fairly simple question.
If the Eastern Bays can produce the Rolls-Royce version of coastal infrastructure in Lowry Bay, why does Days Bay — one of the busiest places on the route — still look as though the council ran out of crayons before drawing the plan?
Mayor Ken ‘Lazy’ Laban says his focus is on “getting the basics right.” Excellent. Ferry Road would be a terrific place to begin.
Harbour Ward councillor Tui ‘invisible’ Lewis says she is focused on community engagement, infrastructure and practical solutions. Excellent again. Perhaps somebody could introduce those three concepts to Days Bay.
And somewhere inside Hutt City Council there must surely be an executive asking why residents in some of the city’s highest-rating coastal neighbourhoods can look across at beautifully completed infrastructure while their own streets resemble something abandoned after a minor civil war.
Nobody is asking for gold-plated kerbs.
We’d settle for a footpath you can walk along without drafting a will.
Summer is coming.
Lowry Bay has the showcase.
Days Bay has no coherent connection.
Ferry Road has the potholes.
And the ratepayer, naturally, has the invoice.



MEGA CHATTER!


THE BAY OF BRAINS


Eastbourne has a problem.
It is full of people who have spent 40 or 50 years learning useful things — and then retired.
Engineers. Teachers. Lawyers. Builders. Business owners. Executives. Accountants. Creatives. People who know how systems work, how projects fail, and which bright ideas are complete nonsense before breakfast.
And what are we doing with all that expertise?
Mostly letting it walk the dog.
The irony is magnificent.
Businesses elsewhere are panicking because experienced staff are retiring and taking decades of knowledge with them.
Meanwhile, around the bays, we may have one of the largest concentrations of retired experience sitting quietly at home wondering whether to prune the feijoa.
So here’s the MEGA idea:
Create a local Bay of Brains network.
A simple register of retired locals willing to mentor, advise, troubleshoot, tutor or help community groups and small businesses.
A retired CFO could rescue a charity’s finances.
A retired engineer could save a project from becoming expensive modern art.
A retired marketer could stop a local business choosing a logo involving Comic Sans.
The expertise is already here.
The people are already here.
All we need to do is connect them.
Because retirement should not mean:
“Thank you for 45 years of experience. Now please go and feed the ducks.”


KEEP THE BLOODY BOAT


Wellington is a city built around water.
So naturally, when somebody falls into it, the obvious question is whether we should have a properly crewed police boat.
Apparently this now requires a report.
Lady Elizabeth IV is not some luxury floating office for bored cops. It exists for exactly the sort of moment where “man in harbour” stops being a newspaper headline and becomes “body recovered”.
The debate seems to be about staffing, documentation, budgets and whether fewer people can somehow do the same job.


Perhaps.
You can also remove two wheels from an ambulance. It will still technically be an ambulance.
The useful thing about a police launch is that it can do something Wellington desperately needs from time to time:
go into the water and get people out of it.
And Wellington has quite a lot of water.


MEGA’s position is simple:
Keep the vessel.
Crew it properly.
Train people properly.
And stop treating emergency capability like an optional Netflix subscription.
Because when somebody is in the harbour, “we achieved operational efficiencies” is a fairly shit flotation device.


FREE ROADS. CHEAP PETROL. AND OTHER FAIRY TALES.


New Zealand has solved the fuel-tax problem.
The Government has scrapped the planned 12c-a-litre rise for 2027 and pushed the next increase out to 2028. It says the transport fund will instead be topped up, with the change expected to cost about $1.476 billion over the forecast period. 
Excellent.
So motorists pay less at the pump, roads still get built, potholes get filled and nobody gets angry.
There is just one tiny problem:
the money still has to come from somewhere.
This is now New Zealand transport policy:


More roads.
Better roads.
Lower fuel taxes.
No pain.
No complaints.
No explanation.
Somewhere in Wellington, a Treasury calculator has burst into flames.
MEGA suggests a simpler system.
Put one enormous button in Parliament marked:


“WHO PAYS?”
Then watch every politician quietly leave the room.


NZ SUPER: PLEASE LIVE LONGER — JUST NOT TOO LONG


New Zealand has discovered a small flaw in retirement: people keep surviving it.
Back in the 1970s, there were roughly seven workers helping fund each superannuitant. Now there are about four. Eventually there may be only two, at which point retirement policy starts looking less like economics and more like a hostage negotiation.
So the bright ideas are back: means-test the pension, raise the age, tax workers more, trim payments, or gently encourage old people to become immortal but somehow cheaper.
Means-testing sounds fair until everyone starts rearranging their finances at 64 like contestants on The Great Kiwi Asset Hideaway.
Raising the retirement age sounds efficient until someone remembers builders, nurses, labourers and anyone whose knees filed for retirement at 58.
And doing nothing remains extremely popular, mainly because it requires no meetings.
The political position is therefore beautifully simple:
Everyone agrees there’s an elephant in the room.
Nobody wants to be the one who shoots it.


$1.358 BILLION TO TAP ON




Chris Bishop has explained why New Zealand’s national public transport ticketing system must continue.
Apparently, cancelling it would cost about $1.1 billion. 


So the sensible option is to keep going and spend $1.358 billion.
This is what economists call a difficult trade-off and what normal people call “we’ve already buggered it up, so keep digging.”


Bishop says the project was inherited off-track, over budget and tangled in bureaucracy. Fair enough. But at $1.358 billion, you would expect the ticket machine to not only charge your fare, but drive the bus, make your coffee and apologise personally for Wellington’s weather.


The good news is that one day we may finally have a single national ticketing system.
The bad news is that by then, at this price, we may need to means-test the bus ride.



BOOZE: NOW WITH A SIDE OF GUILT



By 2028, most alcohol in New Zealand will have to carry calorie information.
Excellent.
Because what every person wants while opening a bottle of wine is a tiny nutritional lecture from the government.
Soon the label may tell you the calories, sugar, carbohydrates, cancer risk, recommended limits, and possibly the exact moment your life choices began to deteriorate.
Health groups also want stronger cancer warnings, while the alcohol industry warns that all this labelling will be expensive.


So at last, everyone agrees on something:
the bottle is going to need to be bigger.
At this rate, the wine itself will be reduced to a small sachet attached to the information panel.


MEGA’s suggestion:
“Contains alcohol. May cause dancing, texting ex-partners and purchasing takeaway food you do not remember ordering.”

GLOBAL STABILITY HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED.

Who is MEGA? Click the Pig.

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