MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE
The Phantom Pā of Petone

[June 2025] A Magical Mystery Map Adventure, Brought to You by Hutt City Council. 

In a dazzling display of cartographic creativity, Hutt City Council has rediscovered a pre-colonial Māori pā — located, according to its own maps, entirely underwater.
Yes, the latest draft District Plan shows the Waiwhetu Pā not just on land that didn’t exist until 1929, but stretching well into reclaimed industrial Seaview. Either our ancestors were marine engineers — or someone spilled coffee on the heritage layer and hit “Save.”

The Council admitted the mapping blunder in 2018 and promised to fix it. Instead, in 2024, the site is bigger. Think Atlantis, but with tighter building restrictions.
A concerned landowner put it plainly: “The Council’s process is so sloppy it’s practically soup.” The boundaries appear copied straight from a consultancy owned by the same iwi benefiting from the designation. Oversight? Validation? Nowhere in sight.
Thanks to the SASM (Sites and Areas of Significance to Māori) overlay, property owners now need special consent to build, dig—or possibly sneeze—on land the pā never occupied.

“We’re not anti-heritage,” said a local. “But we are anti-fiction.”
MEGA agrees. Protecting real history matters. But this isn’t protection — it’s performance art with a planning fee.

If the Council’s heritage maps include sunken settlements and reclaimed miracles, maybe it’s time they updated their software. Or their standards.
Until then, we’ll be checking the tide chart before filing any consents. 

Fenced In & Priced Out

[June 2025] Wellington’s fencing frenzy is costing $11 million and counting — but what’s really at risk here? Common sense.

After a slow-motion panic attack stretching back to 2006, the Wellington City Council has decided the solution to waterfront safety is… a kilometre-long cage. Apparently, seven drownings in 19 years means it’s time to lock the entire harbour down — because nothing says "vibrant capital" like prison chic.
Now, don’t get us wrong: water safety matters. But so does proportion. So does design. So does not treating every citizen like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
What’s next? Helmets to walk the promenade? Life jackets issued with gelato?
Here’s the kicker: even the experts say targeted safety near high-risk areas is smarter. More focused. Less ugly. But instead of reason, we get the architectural equivalent of putting bubble wrap on a speedboat.
And Eastbourne?
Let’s not pretend our own wharves are immune. Days Bay Wharf—iconic, weather-beaten, and currently managed by the same Council who still haven’t finished the cycleway—is one rough tide away from being “assessed.” Once the fencing blueprint hits the suburbs, Days Bay could get the same overkill treatment. A steel cage by summer 2026? Don’t bet against it.
We say:
• Invest in smart, targeted protections
• Stop treating every mishap as proof of mass incompetence
• And please, someone teach Eastbourne’s board how to finish a project before they start fencing off the sea.
MEGA: We fix what others fence. 

Dragon’s Teeth or Council Claws?

(May 2025)   Eastbourne’s New Road Edging Baffles Locals

The newly installed concrete edging along Eastbourne’s shared pathway and cycleway — quickly dubbed “Dragon’s Teeth” by locals
— is already raising eyebrows and blood pressure.

In a move that seems more fantasy than functional, Hutt City Council has lined the seaward edge of the road with a continuous row of raised concrete blocks. While they may deter wayward cyclists from veering into the sea, they also prevent any vehicle from pulling off the road in case of a flat tyre, mechanical issue, or sudden emergency.

In other words: if your car breaks down, or you need a first responder - congratulations — you’re now in an immovable traffic hazard.

It’s a design that prioritises form over function, safety theatre over actual safety. And when challenged, the response from Council has been as solid and unyielding as the concrete blocks themselves.

Locals are calling it a textbook case of "fixing what wasn’t broken" — unless, of course, your car is broken, in which case you're out of luck.

No shoulder. No pull-off. No plan B.  The only thing sharp here? The criticism.

(April 2025) - France Wants Her Back? We’ve Got a Better Idea.

“Give us the ferry-weary and the visa-delayed, the bold who braved headwinds, lost luggage, and DOC loos.
The dreamers undone by timetables and takeaway sushi. Send them through the Strait—spray-soaked, wind-whipped,
and hopeful still— to this rock where freedom stands firm, the coffee’s hot, and the wind does the talking.” 

In March 2025, French politician Raphaël Glucksmann, MEP and co-founder of Place Publique, called for the return of the Statue of Liberty,
arguing that under Trump’s leadership, the U.S. no longer lives up to the values she represents.
But instead of sending her back to Paris, we at MEGA say: give her a new home—right here in Wellington Harbour.
Picture it: Lady Liberty, standing tall on Ward Island, torch raised high, gazing through Cook Strait. A symbol of courage and welcome—
not to the tired masses, but to the bold few who still believe in a better way forward.
Why Ward Island? It’s remote, iconic, and beautifully inconvenient—exactly the kind of place that proves liberty isn’t always easy, but always worth it. Better views than Liberty Island, too.
So if France is serious, let her retire somewhere that still believes in the spirit of the thing. New York had its turn. Now it’s Wellington’s. 

MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE (April 2025)




Eastbourne May Have Been Dutch All Along



MEGA UNCOVERS
SHOCKING EVIDENCE
THAT COULD ROCK THE HARBOUR

Abel Tasman Here First?

In a discovery that could rewrite the history books (or at least heavily footnote them), MEGA has come into possession of what appears to be a 1642 maritime chart, possibly linked to Abel Tasman himself, where Wellington Harbour is labelled with a Dutch name eerily similar to “Eastbourne.”

We're not saying it definitely says Oostboorn or Oostbeurne or even Easboerne (the ink’s a bit faded and someone’s spilled stroopwafel syrup on part of it), but the resemblance is undeniable. Coincidence? We think not.

This chart, delicately folded up behind a painting of Queen Beatrix was found by a local retired teacher of Dutch heritage whose parents arrived in NZ post WWII, and clearly predates British colonisation by over 100 years. Which means—brace yourselves—Eastbourne may have been Dutch before it was cool.

*** Send us an email if you would like a PDF version of the document***

What this means:

• We might need to start celebrating Koningsdag (King’s Day).
• The local café menu will soon feature bitterballen, hagelslag toast, and something we’re calling a “Double Dutch Flat White.”
• The RSA may be forced to hold klootschieten tournaments.
• The Croquet Club? Rebranded to CroqKaas.
• We’re considering replacing the Council with a Stadtholder.
We will call upon Te Papa, the Maritime Museum, and anyone who knows how to read 17th-century Dutch cartography to come forward and help us verify this earth-shattering document.
In the meantime, we’re acting as if it’s true. Because if we’ve learned anything from history, it’s that whoever has the map gets to name the place.
Make Eastbourne Great (and Possibly Dutch) Again. 

MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE (March 2025)



The Great Eastbourne Penguin Fence Debacle

Ladies and gentlemen, have you seen it? That magnificent metre-high wooden monstrosity snaking its way across our beautiful coastline, courtesy of the Hutt City Council (HCC). Supposedly, it’s there to protect the elusive ‘Little Blue Penguins’—birds so rare in these parts that they may as well be part of local folklore.

But here’s the kicker: nobody asked for this, and most of us weren’t even consulted. Instead, HCC has decided that what Eastbourne really needed wasn’t fixing potholes, sorting out water leaks, or addressing the host of other actual problems… No, what we really needed was a wooden barricade blocking our stunning coastal views. Genius.

At a time when the council’s wallet is emptier than a politician’s promises, they’ve somehow found the funds for this great wall of nonsense. Meanwhile, our roads resemble the surface of the moon, our pipes are bursting like an overstuffed sausage, and we’re all left wondering—who exactly benefits from this eyesore? Because it sure isn’t the locals.

So, unless the penguins are staging a hostile takeover and this is some kind of avian apartheid barrier, we have just one question: HCC, what were you thinking?

Discuss. Debate. Mock. Because if they can build pointless fences, we can at least tear them down with words. 
Join M.E.G.A.'s Facebook Group and have your say!

MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE (March 2025)

 The Hutt’s Political Crystal Ball (original MEGA)

***** MEGA predicted Campbell would opt out of Mayoralty - He Just DID! ****** This was our original post just weeks ago -----  What Next?

Ah, the great political shuffle of the Hutt—where loyalty is flexible, ambition is limitless, and the electorate is just here for the drama.

Campbell Barry: Out of the Mayoral Chain, Into the MP Game?
The once-boy-wonder Mayor, Campbell Barry, won’t be running for another term at the top of Hutt City. Instead,
he’s eyeing the Hutt South Electorate, sliding neatly into Labour’s open seat like as a loyal party stooge , ready to toe the party line.

Tui Lewis fancies an upgrade from Deputy to Mayor—will she get it? Probably not.

A Dark Horse ?
A wildcard mayoral candidate could steal the show—Lower Hutt loves an underdog (or just hates predictability).

Ginny Anderson: Hutt South? Nah. Parliament Anyway?
Labour MP Ginny Anderson skips the electorate battle but clings to the comfy spot as a List MP Parliament. It’s like missing the bus but still getting to your destination in an Uber.

Chris Bishop: The King of Hutt South
‘Bish’ remains the King of Hutt South. Like a political cockroach in a nuclear war, he just won’t be taken down. A Hutt South Win again, as Labour tries but they’re just swinging at air.

Hutt Politics: Same drama, different election. Pass the popcorn. 

MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE (March 2025) (Continuing)

PUKATEA SANDS RESORT–
THE ONLY PLACE WHERE 'WORKING FROM HOME' COMES WITH OCEAN BREEZES AND A FRONT ROW SEAT TO THE SUPER-YACHTS.

Property Developers have arrived on our shores.
A visionary, sustainable community redefining modern living.
Nestled on Wellington Harbours eastern coastline, Pukatea Sands blends heritage charm with future-forward design. This vehicle-free, carbon-neutral development offers a mix of luxury apartments, affordable housing, retail, and recreational spaces, all centred around a vibrant village green. [Four stages of 40 individual sites]
Heritage Meets Innovation – Trams replace cars, and the iconic Kirkcaldie & Stains relocates and returns, bringing timeless elegance to modern retail.
Two Marinas – The Northern Marina caters to superyachts, while the Southern Marina (Whaka) embraces local maritime culture.
Hospitality & Entertainment – Cafés, a pub, restaurants, and Wellington’s first Casino create a dynamic social hub.
Powered by wind and solar, Pukatea Sands is more than a place to live—it’s a new era for the Hutt. 
Secure your place in this extraordinary community today. Enquire at your local real estate agents.
[classified advertisement]

MEGA Major Story ARCHIVE (April 2025) (Continuing)

Days Bay Wharf: A Rusty Masterpiece in the Making?

$4.6 million later, Days Bay Wharf was supposed to shine. Instead, it’s streaming with rusty brown stains, as if auditioning for a post-apocalyptic film set. The culprit? Good old-fashioned cheapness. Instead of splurging on stainless steel nails, someone thought non-galvanised iron nails would do just fine—because why not save a few bucks and let corrosion handle the decorating?
Of course, the sea had other plans. Salt, moisture, and a pinch of negligence turned the wharf’s crisp white railings into a rusty masterpiece. A little extra investment could’ve kept it pristine, but hey, what’s a marine structure without a bit of premature decay? At least commuters now get heritage vibes—just a few decades earlier than expected.
Another screaming success for the HCC. 


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